Tuesday 12th of May, 11:27am.

/:
I've been feeling down lately. I've realised that what I've posted here makes my life seem oh-so wonderful and just like a perfect fairytale. Well, it's far from that. Sure, I guess I've got it much better than most kids out there, and in nuance to all the big problems going on right now mine are of the least importance. But no matter how insignificant they are in this galaxy, they're still real.
My number one reason to feeling down is as follows.

It all happened yesterday on msn. I was chatting to 'someone' when they told me that Dan-my ex-best friend, the person that was so special to me at the beginning of the year, but then we had this huge fall-out around Christmas, and haven't spoken since -was on drugs. My heart just sank, I swear. I nearly cried. So I pulled down my hoodie and ran down to his house- he lives just around the corner from me.
My heart was pounding when I rang the doorbell. He ansered and I asked him if I could speak to him privately. It was the first time we'd-properly- exchanged words and contact in 5 months. He shook his head and mumbled something about doing homework but I insisted, the sick feeling getting stronger.
Seeing the urgence (I think) in my eyes, he followed me and I brought him in silence to the bottom of the road. But then I just exploded, tears and all. I asked him if it was true. He just nodded. No explanation. And I 'raised my voice', telling him how bad it was. He just shrugged and told me to 'cool off' and that he just 'did it once for the heck of it'. So I yelled 'do you know how this makes me feel? Dan, you're so special to me. I just...can't beleive it.' or something among those lines. He hooked on one part of the sentence and went 'was or am special to you?' with like a glint of hope in his eyes. I didn't answer, and just went on about how he's loosing himself. 'cause he fully is. That person is not my Dan. He's lost in that exterior. But he gets the attention he wants with that fake mask. That;s why he's not special to me anymore. Because the mask , the fake mask has taken over more than half of him, and is becoming who he is. But I know my Dan is in there. Sorry, this sounds cheesy. But ...it's just. I'm very observant, and I know him too well to let it pass. So he just shook his head, and walked away.

I couldn't beleive what had happened. On top of all that it started to poor rain. I just sulked and sat on top of a wall, tears streaming down my cheeks, making my mascara fall , too. After for god knows how long I made my way home. Imagine my brothers face when his fifteen year old sister walks through the door, drenched with mascara smudged all over her face. He just went 'what the fxxk did that bxstard do to you' and i just mumbled 's'not Rob. It's Dan' sloshed up the stairs to my room.

Next morning, sick in bed. Got a bad cold. The doctor said I'd be 'phisically' okay in a few days. But mentally? Gonna take a bit more than that.