D:
It's dark outside.
Friday, 22 May 2009
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Tuesday 12th of May, 11:27am.
/:
I've been feeling down lately. I've realised that what I've posted here makes my life seem oh-so wonderful and just like a perfect fairytale. Well, it's far from that. Sure, I guess I've got it much better than most kids out there, and in nuance to all the big problems going on right now mine are of the least importance. But no matter how insignificant they are in this galaxy, they're still real.
My number one reason to feeling down is as follows.
It all happened yesterday on msn. I was chatting to 'someone' when they told me that Dan-my ex-best friend, the person that was so special to me at the beginning of the year, but then we had this huge fall-out around Christmas, and haven't spoken since -was on drugs. My heart just sank, I swear. I nearly cried. So I pulled down my hoodie and ran down to his house- he lives just around the corner from me.
My heart was pounding when I rang the doorbell. He ansered and I asked him if I could speak to him privately. It was the first time we'd-properly- exchanged words and contact in 5 months. He shook his head and mumbled something about doing homework but I insisted, the sick feeling getting stronger.
Seeing the urgence (I think) in my eyes, he followed me and I brought him in silence to the bottom of the road. But then I just exploded, tears and all. I asked him if it was true. He just nodded. No explanation. And I 'raised my voice', telling him how bad it was. He just shrugged and told me to 'cool off' and that he just 'did it once for the heck of it'. So I yelled 'do you know how this makes me feel? Dan, you're so special to me. I just...can't beleive it.' or something among those lines. He hooked on one part of the sentence and went 'was or am special to you?' with like a glint of hope in his eyes. I didn't answer, and just went on about how he's loosing himself. 'cause he fully is. That person is not my Dan. He's lost in that exterior. But he gets the attention he wants with that fake mask. That;s why he's not special to me anymore. Because the mask , the fake mask has taken over more than half of him, and is becoming who he is. But I know my Dan is in there. Sorry, this sounds cheesy. But ...it's just. I'm very observant, and I know him too well to let it pass. So he just shook his head, and walked away.
I couldn't beleive what had happened. On top of all that it started to poor rain. I just sulked and sat on top of a wall, tears streaming down my cheeks, making my mascara fall , too. After for god knows how long I made my way home. Imagine my brothers face when his fifteen year old sister walks through the door, drenched with mascara smudged all over her face. He just went 'what the fxxk did that bxstard do to you' and i just mumbled 's'not Rob. It's Dan' sloshed up the stairs to my room.
Next morning, sick in bed. Got a bad cold. The doctor said I'd be 'phisically' okay in a few days. But mentally? Gonna take a bit more than that.
I've been feeling down lately. I've realised that what I've posted here makes my life seem oh-so wonderful and just like a perfect fairytale. Well, it's far from that. Sure, I guess I've got it much better than most kids out there, and in nuance to all the big problems going on right now mine are of the least importance. But no matter how insignificant they are in this galaxy, they're still real.
My number one reason to feeling down is as follows.
It all happened yesterday on msn. I was chatting to 'someone' when they told me that Dan-my ex-best friend, the person that was so special to me at the beginning of the year, but then we had this huge fall-out around Christmas, and haven't spoken since -was on drugs. My heart just sank, I swear. I nearly cried. So I pulled down my hoodie and ran down to his house- he lives just around the corner from me.
My heart was pounding when I rang the doorbell. He ansered and I asked him if I could speak to him privately. It was the first time we'd-properly- exchanged words and contact in 5 months. He shook his head and mumbled something about doing homework but I insisted, the sick feeling getting stronger.
Seeing the urgence (I think) in my eyes, he followed me and I brought him in silence to the bottom of the road. But then I just exploded, tears and all. I asked him if it was true. He just nodded. No explanation. And I 'raised my voice', telling him how bad it was. He just shrugged and told me to 'cool off' and that he just 'did it once for the heck of it'. So I yelled 'do you know how this makes me feel? Dan, you're so special to me. I just...can't beleive it.' or something among those lines. He hooked on one part of the sentence and went 'was or am special to you?' with like a glint of hope in his eyes. I didn't answer, and just went on about how he's loosing himself. 'cause he fully is. That person is not my Dan. He's lost in that exterior. But he gets the attention he wants with that fake mask. That;s why he's not special to me anymore. Because the mask , the fake mask has taken over more than half of him, and is becoming who he is. But I know my Dan is in there. Sorry, this sounds cheesy. But ...it's just. I'm very observant, and I know him too well to let it pass. So he just shook his head, and walked away.
I couldn't beleive what had happened. On top of all that it started to poor rain. I just sulked and sat on top of a wall, tears streaming down my cheeks, making my mascara fall , too. After for god knows how long I made my way home. Imagine my brothers face when his fifteen year old sister walks through the door, drenched with mascara smudged all over her face. He just went 'what the fxxk did that bxstard do to you' and i just mumbled 's'not Rob. It's Dan' sloshed up the stairs to my room.
Next morning, sick in bed. Got a bad cold. The doctor said I'd be 'phisically' okay in a few days. But mentally? Gonna take a bit more than that.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Monday 11th of May (7:15 pm)
Sorry For Not Posting These Past Days D:
Nothing much has happened so I needn't feel guilty. It's been dull. Nothing spectacular. Been stressed out regularly every night by all the over-load of homework dumped on me. Constantly drowning and fussing over marks. To top the repetitious nightmare, I got a C in History. D: Shame on me. I'm sorry but my mind was blank that hour. I feel so...stressed. There's no other word; exactly. Harrassed? Maybe. Gave in my English essay today...Scared. Last time I got a B-. I usually get A's. D: Again: stressing. And I've got a Biology Mid-term tomorrow. Freaking out, (la duhh D: ) should be studying. But I need a break.
Anyways enough about work. Let's talk about some fun stuff.
After shcool cheers me up. We usually have fun before hitting the books. Yesterday was awesome. Tyler and Mark couldn't come so me and Danielle made our way to Starbucks. We had a cherry milkshake (they make that now :O ) together. We laughed out heads off, talking , chatting. Yeah. :] We then made our way to the Kiddie's playground and swinged on the swings. Yeah, we nearly broke them. So after that third 'crunch', we got off , hilariously kickking the sand in each other's faces. Ever had a sand-ball fight? :D I love that girl so fxking much it scares me. <3
Serisouly out of topic, but I just adore this quote:
"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason".
Cheesy, I guess. But utterly right and gorgeous. :D
I'm embarrassed by this by I actually love the Demi Lovato Debut Album. I know, i know, laugh. But it's actully pretty good. I love the song 'trainwreck'. :D Lmao. I made Danielle listen to it. She laughed at the beginning but then made this 'O' with her mouth after the first few songs, and went 'Wow...I'm enjoying this' :] Oh some advice:
Don't eat a Mentos and drink coke at the same time. You'll explode. :]
Write some more later. Got to go eat.
Nothing much has happened so I needn't feel guilty. It's been dull. Nothing spectacular. Been stressed out regularly every night by all the over-load of homework dumped on me. Constantly drowning and fussing over marks. To top the repetitious nightmare, I got a C in History. D: Shame on me. I'm sorry but my mind was blank that hour. I feel so...stressed. There's no other word; exactly. Harrassed? Maybe. Gave in my English essay today...Scared. Last time I got a B-. I usually get A's. D: Again: stressing. And I've got a Biology Mid-term tomorrow. Freaking out, (la duhh D: ) should be studying. But I need a break.
Anyways enough about work. Let's talk about some fun stuff.
After shcool cheers me up. We usually have fun before hitting the books. Yesterday was awesome. Tyler and Mark couldn't come so me and Danielle made our way to Starbucks. We had a cherry milkshake (they make that now :O ) together. We laughed out heads off, talking , chatting. Yeah. :] We then made our way to the Kiddie's playground and swinged on the swings. Yeah, we nearly broke them. So after that third 'crunch', we got off , hilariously kickking the sand in each other's faces. Ever had a sand-ball fight? :D I love that girl so fxking much it scares me. <3
Serisouly out of topic, but I just adore this quote:
"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason".
Cheesy, I guess. But utterly right and gorgeous. :D
I'm embarrassed by this by I actually love the Demi Lovato Debut Album. I know, i know, laugh. But it's actully pretty good. I love the song 'trainwreck'. :D Lmao. I made Danielle listen to it. She laughed at the beginning but then made this 'O' with her mouth after the first few songs, and went 'Wow...I'm enjoying this' :] Oh some advice:
Don't eat a Mentos and drink coke at the same time. You'll explode. :]
Write some more later. Got to go eat.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Long Post :) ~My day yesterday.
I just realised that my hair is like a long lost twin of Selena Gomez's.Same color, shape and length. And when I starighten it it looks exaclty like hers. I don't even like her. I guess she is pretty but still. >:[ My mom even went 'You look like her' with this smile. So i went 'Thanks, mom' and stormed off. Rhaaa.
Anyways, not much has happened. Well the Rob thing. But that's it. Danielle barged into my room when I was chatting with Lucy on MSN (Sorry lulykins) and I just closed my laptop so I feel pretty bad for shutting you off . Lmfao. We made a dumb video that's pretty hilarious. We thought about posting it on youtube but decided not to. I may post it here...I'll see. So then we walked around and met Mark and Sam in the park...We fooled around... :DD It was fun. Lmao. We stalked a baby for about 10 mins; and then she realised what we were doing and made is sit in the sand pitt while she chatted along and spreayed sand on us. :S Lmao. Her mom was just laughing. Cute kid.
Then I went shopping with my mom to Bloomigdales. Bought a cute skirt; two shorts and two summer dresses. Oh and a few tanks. :] I bought the new Demi Lovato CD as a laugh; it's actually pretty good. I feel embarrassed, but I love the 'Don't forget' song. And 'Get Back' isn't that bad. I'll make Dani listen to it..:O Lmao.
So it was around 5:30 pm when we got back home. I ran to babysit my neighbour, Callie, who's 5. She's so adorable. We made cupcakes. She's actually better than me. Lmao. And then I did her hair; and stuff. :D I felt like a big kid.
At around 6:40pm I went home and got ready for my date. Got home at around 8:00pm; ate dinner; watched TV...Yeah. >:]
Lmao I don't know why I posted my day. Guess I'm really that bored.
.x3
Anyways, not much has happened. Well the Rob thing. But that's it. Danielle barged into my room when I was chatting with Lucy on MSN (Sorry lulykins) and I just closed my laptop so I feel pretty bad for shutting you off . Lmfao. We made a dumb video that's pretty hilarious. We thought about posting it on youtube but decided not to. I may post it here...I'll see. So then we walked around and met Mark and Sam in the park...We fooled around... :DD It was fun. Lmao. We stalked a baby for about 10 mins; and then she realised what we were doing and made is sit in the sand pitt while she chatted along and spreayed sand on us. :S Lmao. Her mom was just laughing. Cute kid.
Then I went shopping with my mom to Bloomigdales. Bought a cute skirt; two shorts and two summer dresses. Oh and a few tanks. :] I bought the new Demi Lovato CD as a laugh; it's actually pretty good. I feel embarrassed, but I love the 'Don't forget' song. And 'Get Back' isn't that bad. I'll make Dani listen to it..:O Lmao.
So it was around 5:30 pm when we got back home. I ran to babysit my neighbour, Callie, who's 5. She's so adorable. We made cupcakes. She's actually better than me. Lmao. And then I did her hair; and stuff. :D I felt like a big kid.
At around 6:40pm I went home and got ready for my date. Got home at around 8:00pm; ate dinner; watched TV...Yeah. >:]
Lmao I don't know why I posted my day. Guess I'm really that bored.
.x3
Saturday, 2 May 2009
I Love You, Again. Never Stopped, Actually.
Everything's awesome.
It's just better than amazing.
We talked things out. He called and asked me to meet him at the park; and hung up.I was like 'Oh no he's going to break up'.So I walked there really really depressed.I walk through the park's gate and I look around for Rob.I see him leaning against a tree. His back to me. So I take a deep breath and walk over to him.
:]]]
And ...wow.
I missed himmmmm.
:DD
I'm too ecstatic to talk.
We're back together; or rather we never parted.
Just arrrgh.
Woopeeee.
Ily Rob. <3
It's just better than amazing.
We talked things out. He called and asked me to meet him at the park; and hung up.I was like 'Oh no he's going to break up'.So I walked there really really depressed.I walk through the park's gate and I look around for Rob.I see him leaning against a tree. His back to me. So I take a deep breath and walk over to him.
:]]]
And ...wow.
I missed himmmmm.
:DD
I'm too ecstatic to talk.
We're back together; or rather we never parted.
Just arrrgh.
Woopeeee.
Ily Rob. <3
I'm a 'bxcth' ...Yeah. Thanks.
I was supposed to meet some friends at the park today.
But I'm feeling really down so I didn't go.
And now my friend calls me and goes all ' Where are you why aren't you here?!'
And I'm like 'I feel like shxt right now. Sorry I don't feel like coming.'
And she went 'But I want you here!'
And I was like yeah well I can't I feel bad ans stuff.
And she went 'God your being such a bxxtch'.
And hung up.
:S
Wtf is up with that?
Does she KNOW what's going on? What I'm going through?!
Fxxk her.
Supposed to be my best friend.
>:[
But I'm feeling really down so I didn't go.
And now my friend calls me and goes all ' Where are you why aren't you here?!'
And I'm like 'I feel like shxt right now. Sorry I don't feel like coming.'
And she went 'But I want you here!'
And I was like yeah well I can't I feel bad ans stuff.
And she went 'God your being such a bxxtch'.
And hung up.
:S
Wtf is up with that?
Does she KNOW what's going on? What I'm going through?!
Fxxk her.
Supposed to be my best friend.
>:[
Monday, 27 April 2009
:'[
Me and Rob had this huge fight at lunch today.
It was because this other guy came up to me and asked me out.
And because this Freshman had asked Rob out the other day.
:/
I don't really know what happened.
I said that; and he said this...
And I just walked off, hearing Tyler go 'Shxt this can't be happening' and Danielle gasp, and Mark run after me.
:S
I don't know if we broke up.
I miss him.
I don't want to let him go; I just ...can't! Urgh., I can't see myself with ANYONE but him. I just..can't beleiev what happened. I mean.
URGH.
Fxxk it.
It was because this other guy came up to me and asked me out.
And because this Freshman had asked Rob out the other day.
:/
I don't really know what happened.
I said that; and he said this...
And I just walked off, hearing Tyler go 'Shxt this can't be happening' and Danielle gasp, and Mark run after me.
:S
I don't know if we broke up.
I miss him.
I don't want to let him go; I just ...can't! Urgh., I can't see myself with ANYONE but him. I just..can't beleiev what happened. I mean.
URGH.
Fxxk it.
Fxxking God Damned Shuddit.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO DIE.
Have freakin` faith in scientists.
We're not going to die of the 'Swine Flu'.
Antibiotics cure the epidemy.
The people who are dying just can't afford to buy the antibiotics; or they ignore the flu symptoms thinking it's a normal flu and that 'time will cure it'.
Okay?
So shuddit and stop worrying.
We're all going to be fine.
.x3
Have freakin` faith in scientists.
We're not going to die of the 'Swine Flu'.
Antibiotics cure the epidemy.
The people who are dying just can't afford to buy the antibiotics; or they ignore the flu symptoms thinking it's a normal flu and that 'time will cure it'.
Okay?
So shuddit and stop worrying.
We're all going to be fine.
.x3
Wearing At The Moment :)
Hair: Down and Natural (read ' about me' for what 'natural' is. ;D)
Make-up: A bit of eyeliner. Not really any. I like natural looks :)
Clothes: light denim jeans skirt (short); marine tank-top (white; stripped blue) Ed hardy white sweat-shirt. :DD
Shoes/Socks: Beige Uggs.
Accessories: 'R' Necklace and Purety Ring (Duuh); White Headband; four friendship bracelets (:O)
Perfume: Not wearing any...
<3
Make-up: A bit of eyeliner. Not really any. I like natural looks :)
Clothes: light denim jeans skirt (short); marine tank-top (white; stripped blue) Ed hardy white sweat-shirt. :DD
Shoes/Socks: Beige Uggs.
Accessories: 'R' Necklace and Purety Ring (Duuh); White Headband; four friendship bracelets (:O)
Perfume: Not wearing any...
<3
Muahahahaa :p
Haaa.
:)
The bell rings after my calculus test ; it's 8:55am.
Danielle, Tyler and I rush to the front parking lot because at 9:00am a big car/bus thing is coming to pick our homeroom class up to go to some Animal Reserve south (Or east..:O I didn't get it. Or North. Or West. ) of New York for the rest of the day ('till 3:15).
So we sit down on the floor; people join us; my homeroom teacher's fussing about wondering where the bus is.
9:30am, and no bus.
Teacher calls bus-person and they say they can't come and hang up.
Rude. :O
Buuuu we can go home :)
So it's 10:30 am and at home on the first day back from the Easter Holidays.
Aweshuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm.
.x3
:)
The bell rings after my calculus test ; it's 8:55am.
Danielle, Tyler and I rush to the front parking lot because at 9:00am a big car/bus thing is coming to pick our homeroom class up to go to some Animal Reserve south (Or east..:O I didn't get it. Or North. Or West. ) of New York for the rest of the day ('till 3:15).
So we sit down on the floor; people join us; my homeroom teacher's fussing about wondering where the bus is.
9:30am, and no bus.
Teacher calls bus-person and they say they can't come and hang up.
Rude. :O
Buuuu we can go home :)
So it's 10:30 am and at home on the first day back from the Easter Holidays.
Aweshuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm.
.x3
Swine Flu >:[
Omfg,
I'm freaking out about it.
I get so paranoid about stuff like that.
>:[
I herd it's climbing up to California; I'm scared it reaches NYC.
:O
Gaaah`.
God help us.
.x3
I'm freaking out about it.
I get so paranoid about stuff like that.
>:[
I herd it's climbing up to California; I'm scared it reaches NYC.
:O
Gaaah`.
God help us.
.x3
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Shcool Starts Tomorrow :S
Omg..
I'm so stressed.
I have my exam tomorrow- worth half my calculus grade.
Eeepers.
What a way to start a day.
:O
I'm stressseddd for tomorrow.
I hope I remember to bring everything...
I'm so stressed.
I have my exam tomorrow- worth half my calculus grade.
Eeepers.
What a way to start a day.
:O
I'm stressseddd for tomorrow.
I hope I remember to bring everything...
The Party :)
Omg,
That party was awesome!
I wore this adorable long-sleeved black dress (above the knees) with coloful bold sequins on it.
And of course...my famous broken heelss :)
About 7 people said they loved them [the heels]. They were a bit hard to dance in, though.
Haha.
So Danielle came over, we got ready together, and then we went to Mike's house.
:D
Best party ever.
I had to kareoke. :p
It was hilarious. I had to sing 'My Life Would Suck Without You' by Kelly Clarkson.
Well that's it.
It's 6:28am...Still jetlagged from London...
x]
That party was awesome!
I wore this adorable long-sleeved black dress (above the knees) with coloful bold sequins on it.
And of course...my famous broken heelss :)
About 7 people said they loved them [the heels]. They were a bit hard to dance in, though.
Haha.
So Danielle came over, we got ready together, and then we went to Mike's house.
:D
Best party ever.
I had to kareoke. :p
It was hilarious. I had to sing 'My Life Would Suck Without You' by Kelly Clarkson.
Well that's it.
It's 6:28am...Still jetlagged from London...
x]
Saturday, 25 April 2009
At The Moment <3
Wearing: Denim Dark Shorts; Light Blue V-Neck Shirt (Vert Soft.); White Boot-Slippers.
Eating: Nothing. :D
Drinking: Nothing.
Mood: Excited and stressed.
Doing Later: Partying.
<3
Eating: Nothing. :D
Drinking: Nothing.
Mood: Excited and stressed.
Doing Later: Partying.
<3
Back To Shcoolies :O
Oh no...
:]
Easter break is over and done. Going back to school after tomorrow, on Monday.
So stressed, so much work...
But at least I've planned this really cute outfit for first impression all over again:
It's this marine (white with blue stripes) tank top; my skinny feaded denim jeans; with a 'Freedom' sweatshirt-local brand. It's white with this bird at the back with 'Love' writting.
:]
Totally gorgeous.
So I kinda can't wait.
And to see everyone...
:]
Easter break is over and done. Going back to school after tomorrow, on Monday.
So stressed, so much work...
But at least I've planned this really cute outfit for first impression all over again:
It's this marine (white with blue stripes) tank top; my skinny feaded denim jeans; with a 'Freedom' sweatshirt-local brand. It's white with this bird at the back with 'Love' writting.
:]
Totally gorgeous.
So I kinda can't wait.
And to see everyone...
Freakin` Guys Ask Me Out.
OMG.
I'm going to go insane.
Just yesterday this dude at the park that I don't know comes up to me and goes 'Hey um Alex I was wondering...would you want to go out with me sometime?'
And I just stared at him thinkin would I regret if I pulled his hair out.
Because this keeps happening.
Like 4 times already.
And guess what?
I just got a message from some freak in Freshman Year saying THE SAME THING.
I FREAKING TAKEN OK?
:O
Sorry I just get reeeally mad when people don't remember that I'm still with Rob. I know it's been awhile' but that doesn't meen you can assume we've broken up.
Pshhh.
I'm going to go insane.
Just yesterday this dude at the park that I don't know comes up to me and goes 'Hey um Alex I was wondering...would you want to go out with me sometime?'
And I just stared at him thinkin would I regret if I pulled his hair out.
Because this keeps happening.
Like 4 times already.
And guess what?
I just got a message from some freak in Freshman Year saying THE SAME THING.
I FREAKING TAKEN OK?
:O
Sorry I just get reeeally mad when people don't remember that I'm still with Rob. I know it's been awhile' but that doesn't meen you can assume we've broken up.
Pshhh.
My Party Disaster Resloved...Thanks To You!
:)
I have this awesome party tonight; and like some of you know I broke the heel of my show this morning trying on my outfit..Gah.
So anyways, I posted a topic on club Animal-Lovers; and you guys advised me to break the other heel (A_LIL_SHINER) or to buy wood-glue (Majaa).
Well I tried to buy wood-glue but the shop didn't have any.
So I broke the other heel...and guess what> It looks simply adorable.
Sorta like a fashion statement.
There's like little blobs at the end of each shoe.
So I just want to say thanks to you guys.
:]
I have this awesome party tonight; and like some of you know I broke the heel of my show this morning trying on my outfit..Gah.
So anyways, I posted a topic on club Animal-Lovers; and you guys advised me to break the other heel (A_LIL_SHINER) or to buy wood-glue (Majaa).
Well I tried to buy wood-glue but the shop didn't have any.
So I broke the other heel...and guess what> It looks simply adorable.
Sorta like a fashion statement.
There's like little blobs at the end of each shoe.
So I just want to say thanks to you guys.
:]
Triviastar-StardollBlog
Heya :)
It's Meeee From Stardoll.
Yupp, It's Alex.
Creating Her Very First Blog.
Now I Have No Idea What I'm Doing Or Where This Is Going To Post On; But I'll Get There- I Hope.
x
It's Meeee From Stardoll.
Yupp, It's Alex.
Creating Her Very First Blog.
Now I Have No Idea What I'm Doing Or Where This Is Going To Post On; But I'll Get There- I Hope.
x
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